In her own words
of a girl who's trying to "make it" in life, career, family, love ...etc - of growing pains, love, heartbreak, luck (or rather, the lack of), and the true joy that can be found in the journey of life and self discovery.
yesterday
A little recollection of my last day in GT A rush of lightness came over me as I bid farewell to my current colleagues in GT. At last, the day has come. That’s it. Good-bye, sayonara, adios and have a nice life! (snickering). As I walk out of GT’s office I was determined to put the past years of frustration, anger and disgust towards my bosses and the management behind me. In exactly 7 days, I will be starting afresh with a new employer, obviously with a better offer as well as a more upbeat environment to work in. but most importantly, fresh new challenges that will make me more “marketable” in years to come. Back to present. I find it funny that everytime when I have that time off or whenever I am alone, I am able to really get in touch with my inner self and take that dreaded walk down memory lane that given any other day I'd be too tired or just hesitate to for fear that those memories will make me depressed. But I guess its something that I have been meaning to do in order to put a closure to a past that has been haunting me; to get over myself and move on with new courage and new hope.[“Yesterday by The Beatles” is playing on Red 104.9 now… oh how apt!]I remember when I was only 23 and fresh out of Uni – I was young, naïve and very gung-ho to get a taste of the rat race. I was ambitious and idealistic and I got my mind set on making it “ big”. Yes, that gung-ho-ness has taken me from one job to another in a short span of time and I never really did get a foothold anywhere. Before I knew it, 3 years has come and gone. Looking back, I know that I have wasted time to decide what I really wanted and this wasted time was not without a price to pay as I came to realize that while I was “finding” what was best for me (I thought I knew), others have already made that slow and steady progress ahead of me. For that lucky few, even further. Face to face with peer pressure, I knew I had to get a grip on my career and to just stay focused on what I was doing while putting a stop to that “wandering” mind. I admit that it all has got to do with a little ego and pride, but that’s life isn’t it? If not for a little competition, how can we progress? How can we push ourselves through test after test and reach for that pot of gold? That optimist in me knew that despite the blunders and regrets, I could proudly say that I have tried and have risked turf where others fear. Today, although I have much to catch up and it’s probably going to take time but I am glad I have made that change. What we are today is the result of a choice that we’ve made once upon in time. It may be pretty, it may be ugly but in the end we must learn from our mistakes and boy, did I learn mine the hard way. There was a time when all I felt was regret, depressed and wished that I could turn back the hands of time to undo my mistakes. But I wonder, will it be the same journey? Will I learn? Do I really want "yesterday once more"??
when life gives you lemons
Grey's Anatomy-I'm a big fan. It is one of the very few TV shows that never fail to leave a profound impact on me. And, I cant help but be a sucker for any films or story that makes me go all reflective on life and such. A recent episode of Grey's I managed to catch had me questioning my outlook and approach in life. It was as much a lesson learned as it was a reminder of how I have been taking life for granted. And most of all, it reminded me of how fleeting life can be because we may never know what may unfold in the very near future; and we may never know if we will live to accomplish that long list of things that we want to in our lifetime. (picture this: One fine morning I could be taking a train to work just like any other day, in another I could be killed in a train crash…and never live to fulfill my dreams.)
When I start having insights like this. It does things to me.
Suddenly, every other dilemmas or worries (probably everything that revolves around materialistic gains) which had been plaguing my head these few months doesn’t seem so significant anymore. (I am not saying that I am about to pack my bags and go live in the mountains to meditate and hopefully search for enlightenment - Im not that great yet.) I have been so caught up in the rat race and in the pursuance of material gains that I have forgotten to live! My point is, I have come to realize that it's about time for me to come to terms with some of the shortfalls in my life and learn to live within my limits.
I am going to pledge to live life to the fullest like I have never been before and embrace each day as if it’s the last. I am going to savor each meal I have as if it’s the last, take on every challenge with much gusto, give generously, receive graciously, love and care even more dearly and most of all find joy in everything I do; for life is just so short that it is useless to dwell on inconsequential matters that most of the time, we have no control of. Might as well let life takes its course and live it!
When life throws you lemon, might as well make lemonade out of it. And heck, I’m gonna make a damn good one out of it.
Come what may!
PMS! Ohhhh!
PMS (Premenstrual Syndrome) can be a very dangerous thing.
Well, at least to the people around you. (You will understand from my little story below). It turns you into this moody, grouchy and irritable creature. Every little thing annoys you.
Just like what happened hours ago when my colleague (a senior) came to me and commented on an email which I have written to our vendor. It was a candid note requesting for marketing fund – straight forward and simple. And I thought there was absolutely nothing wrong with it. But, being a little bit edgy today, I snapped immediately and gave him a piece of my mind – to which I regretted immediately the moment he walked away.
While having a quiet moment with myself moments after that, I asked myself why I had to be such a bitch over such small matter. He’s probably got a point back there (well, maybe..!)
It then dawned on me that, “that time of the month” is coming soon (in Cantonese, people call it “Tai-yee-ma visit”), when you get unpredictable mood-swings for no reasons. That explains the way I reacted.
Having said that, I ain’t about to go all apologetic for that nasty behavior back there simply because, hey I’m a woman, and we’re entitled to our own little mood-swings every now and then. That's what sets us apart from the male species (heheheh evil laugh!!)
But how can we let the people around us know that we're having PMS and save them the tongue-lashing or bad-attitude?? hmmm maybe I should start wearing a tag that says “Be gentle with me, I got PMS today”. That way, they'd probably leave me alone have to be really nice to me on that day!! (chuckles ....)
