yesterday

A little recollection of my last day in GT
A rush of lightness came over me as I bid farewell to my current colleagues in GT. At last, the day has come. That’s it. Good-bye, sayonara, adios and have a nice life! (snickering).

As I walk out of GT’s office I was determined to put the past years of frustration, anger and disgust towards my bosses and the management behind me. In exactly 7 days, I will be starting afresh with a new employer, obviously with a better offer as well as a more upbeat environment to work in. but most importantly, fresh new challenges that will make me more “marketable” in years to come.

Back to present.
I find it funny that everytime when I have that time off or whenever I am alone, I am able to really get in touch with my inner self and take that dreaded walk down memory lane that given any other day I'd be too tired or just hesitate to for fear that those memories will make me depressed. But I guess its something that I have been meaning to do in order to put a closure to a past that has been haunting me; to get over myself and move on with new courage and new hope.

[“Yesterday by The Beatles” is playing on Red 104.9 now… oh how apt!]

I remember when I was only 23 and fresh out of Uni – I was young, naïve and very gung-ho to get a taste of the rat race. I was ambitious and idealistic and I got my mind set on making it “ big”. Yes, that gung-ho-ness has taken me from one job to another in a short span of time and I never really did get a foothold anywhere. Before I knew it, 3 years has come and gone.

Looking back, I know that I have wasted time to decide what I really wanted and this wasted time was not without a price to pay as I came to realize that while I was “finding” what was best for me (I thought I knew), others have already made that slow and steady progress ahead of me. For that lucky few, even further. Face to face with peer pressure, I knew I had to get a grip on my career and to just stay focused on what I was doing while putting a stop to that “wandering” mind.

I admit that it all has got to do with a little ego and pride, but that’s life isn’t it? If not for a little competition, how can we progress? How can we push ourselves through test after test and reach for that pot of gold? That optimist in me knew that despite the blunders and regrets, I could proudly say that I have tried and have risked turf where others fear.

Today, although I have much to catch up and it’s probably going to take time but I am glad I have made that change. What we are today is the result of a choice that we’ve made once upon in time. It may be pretty, it may be ugly but in the end we must learn from our mistakes and boy, did I learn mine the hard way.

There was a time when all I felt was regret, depressed and wished that I could turn back the hands of time to undo my mistakes. But I wonder, will it be the same journey? Will I learn? Do I really want "yesterday once more"??