In her own words

Family Affairs Guide for Idiots

2008-09-30T17:15:00.009+08:00

Dear Diary,

I always thought that for whatever challenges thrown to us, there will always be a way for us to get through it as long as we face the problem head on with integrity, passion and courage. And in the end we’ll walk away with a lesson learned. But what if, for just this once I want to get it right the first time. What if, I only have one chance to fix it and there’s absolutely no room to take chances? Can’t I just refer to a book for solution? I don’t know…

You know those books for "Idiots" they have in the book stores? It never fail to amaze me that they have guide for every possible things you can think of for "Idiots". Well, today is the day I wish that they have one for 'Family Affairs" to tell me what to do and how to handle a very difficult situation back home. I can’t possibly disclose what happened here but you see, after being told of what happened, I wish that I can just open a book and it will just tell me what to do and how to deal with situations like this.

What can you say or do when that ONE person who’s been the sole provider in the family all your life suddenly just changed, and the victims are the ones back home you care about just as much? You see, not being there in person makes me feel that I wish I can do something to fix it but yet I know that there’s nothing I can do. Because if I do, I know that chances are I will make it worst – I know I don’t even want to try. But, am I suppose to just sit and watch what happens next?

Mind you, this person that I’m talking about has always been the figure that we’ve come to respect and sometimes fear. He’s never the one to provoke, well I can tell you I’ve tried and the outcome was not pretty. But apparently, things are getting out of control and it’s causing a lot of stress in the household.

I know it’s kind of silly to wish that there’s a book to help me solve problems like this, but it’s tough not knowing what to do when all you really want to do is make things better so that everyone can be happy again … if only…

coming back

2008-09-28T16:14:00.006+08:00

Dear Diary,
Let’s see, it’s been 1 year and 7 months since I’ve written anything. I have no excuse except laziness and probably lack of inspiration or rather, I’ve been chanelling my energy and time to all the wrong things; Things that brought me nothing but heartache and disappointment. But enough of that for now, I will tell you in length about that which caused me so much pain and hurt in another entry. For now, I’m just happy that I’m finally writing again. It feels great to put my thoughts into words again and I promise I will do more of that from now on. Keeps me sane.

Simon's Thoughts

2007-02-09T11:45:00.000+08:00

Dear friends and readers (if I have any, that is =P)
I'm sorry for my long disappearance from this Blog. It's just that work's been such a bitch and finding time to Blog has been quite a challenge.

Anyway, I'm here today to share something with you. I'd like to give credit to my friend Simon Watkinson for having such a weird but excellent thought! Hehehe. So here it is, Simon's thoughts (kinda funny):

Life would be much better lived backwards
You'd start out dead and get it out of the way.
Then, wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.
You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension,
thenwhen you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you getready for High School.
You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have noresponsibilities,
you become a baby, and then ........
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions;
central heating, room service on tap,
larger quarters everydayand then, you finish off as an orgasm.
I rest my case.
- Simon

Year End

2006-12-28T11:02:00.000+08:00

I always embrace the year-end with mixed feelings. It means so many things to me. Both scary and welcoming at the same time. Scary because, there is a need to come to terms with the cold hard truth of what went wrong in the year (that I have not achieved some things I have set out to do in that year). Welcoming because there’s always hopes and dreams that I can carry with me as I enter a brand New Year. There’s always another chance at the things that I have always wanted to do and achieve. New Year gives me new hope. And I’m hopeful for many reasons.

While making mental notes of my New Year resolutions, I realized that as the years fly by, I’ve mellowed down and adopted certain qualities which, definitely come with age and maturity. 28 is a good age. It is a time in my life when I’ve discovered so many things about myself, a time when I’ve finally LEARNED from the many mistakes I’ve made, a time when I finally see some kind of “stability” in me and a time when I realized that I’ve really grown. I make “realistic” resolutions which I’ve also managed to keep this year - for some, I start to look at things from a long-term point of view and I don’t make decisions in haste. I’ve also learned to be much more optimistic than I used to be; adapting to truth. Cheers to that, and to many great revelations to come!

With just another 3 days to go before we bid farewell to 2006, I want to celebrate and remember some of the great things that I’ve experienced this year. Here’s a short list of what I can remember in no particular order:

- Learning salsa and completing the whole course up to Advance level
- Participated in Salsa performance, 3 times!
- Salsa Festival in Cherating
- Found a new job in a fitness and health company - something I’ve always had passion for
- I have a Blog- finally!
- Finally moved out of 1-04-4
- THE party on 24th December
- Another great year with my good friends (you know who you are!)
- Finally, I’ve learned to count my blessings despite the countless obstacles that stand in my way

Here's another toast to all that!

Escapism

2006-12-28T09:08:00.000+08:00

After weeks of planning and anticipation, THE party finally took place. It was a night full of laughter, lame jokes, very indecent photos! alcohol-soaked munchies, alcohol, and of course, more alcohol. The highlights? What else, but the people that rocked the party. And at this point, I think I have to say that, with alcohol, anything is possible. (Spoken like a true drunkard ehhem!! I know some of you want to knock my head now to remind me that yours truly was the first one to “konged” out)

Anyway, to sum it all up, we partied, we laughed, we got drunk, and we go home to sleep. (I didn’t have to leave of course because I was the lovely host!). It was a good party, and the party is over. Over over over!

As I opened my eyes the next morning, sobriety reminded me that the party’s really over. My friends have all gone home. I’m left with sweet memories of the good time and laughter I had the night before. But I found myself feeling a little lost and a little sad. Perhaps, empty. But why??

Despite the obvious fun I had during the party, I find myself silently still searching for some kind of meaning beneath all the food, the drinks, the laughter and the unimaginable, crazy things we’ve done during the party. Was it the fact that it was a reminder of our youth or what’s left of it? Or was it the fact that we’re still capable of partying like we’re still 22?

At last! It was a celebration of our friendship! It was a get-together that reminds me that no matter what I will always have this bunch of craziest people I call friends to put colors and drama in my life. I realized, as I’m writing this that, it was also, a momentary escape from reality as it always is when you’re having the time of your life. (Isnt it so for some of you out there??)

That’s why when the fun is over, the "emptiness" sinks in and I find myself adapting to what’s present and real, once again. It’s no wonder they always tell you, enjoy it while it lasts. How true!

reality

2006-11-21T09:02:00.000+08:00

While on the way to work this morning, I made the following self affirmation:

“Stop! Smell the roses..”
“breathe … look at that cute guy in the car next to yours…”

And then …
Sniff sniff… eh I smell exhaust…
Shit! That uncle in the car next to mine is digging his nose…

As idealistic as we want to be, sometimes reality is just that.

yesterday

2006-10-20T16:16:00.000+08:00

A little recollection of my last day in GT
A rush of lightness came over me as I bid farewell to my current colleagues in GT. At last, the day has come. That’s it. Good-bye, sayonara, adios and have a nice life! (snickering).

As I walk out of GT’s office I was determined to put the past years of frustration, anger and disgust towards my bosses and the management behind me. In exactly 7 days, I will be starting afresh with a new employer, obviously with a better offer as well as a more upbeat environment to work in. but most importantly, fresh new challenges that will make me more “marketable” in years to come.

Back to present.
I find it funny that everytime when I have that time off or whenever I am alone, I am able to really get in touch with my inner self and take that dreaded walk down memory lane that given any other day I'd be too tired or just hesitate to for fear that those memories will make me depressed. But I guess its something that I have been meaning to do in order to put a closure to a past that has been haunting me; to get over myself and move on with new courage and new hope.

[“Yesterday by The Beatles” is playing on Red 104.9 now… oh how apt!]

I remember when I was only 23 and fresh out of Uni – I was young, naïve and very gung-ho to get a taste of the rat race. I was ambitious and idealistic and I got my mind set on making it “ big”. Yes, that gung-ho-ness has taken me from one job to another in a short span of time and I never really did get a foothold anywhere. Before I knew it, 3 years has come and gone.

Looking back, I know that I have wasted time to decide what I really wanted and this wasted time was not without a price to pay as I came to realize that while I was “finding” what was best for me (I thought I knew), others have already made that slow and steady progress ahead of me. For that lucky few, even further. Face to face with peer pressure, I knew I had to get a grip on my career and to just stay focused on what I was doing while putting a stop to that “wandering” mind.

I admit that it all has got to do with a little ego and pride, but that’s life isn’t it? If not for a little competition, how can we progress? How can we push ourselves through test after test and reach for that pot of gold? That optimist in me knew that despite the blunders and regrets, I could proudly say that I have tried and have risked turf where others fear.

Today, although I have much to catch up and it’s probably going to take time but I am glad I have made that change. What we are today is the result of a choice that we’ve made once upon in time. It may be pretty, it may be ugly but in the end we must learn from our mistakes and boy, did I learn mine the hard way.

There was a time when all I felt was regret, depressed and wished that I could turn back the hands of time to undo my mistakes. But I wonder, will it be the same journey? Will I learn? Do I really want "yesterday once more"??

when life gives you lemons

2006-10-18T12:07:00.000+08:00

Grey's Anatomy-I'm a big fan. It is one of the very few TV shows that never fail to leave a profound impact on me. And, I cant help but be a sucker for any films or story that makes me go all reflective on life and such.

A recent episode of Grey's I managed to catch had me questioning my outlook and approach in life. It was as much a lesson learned as it was a reminder of how I have been taking life for granted. And most of all, it reminded me of how fleeting life can be because we may never know what may unfold in the very near future; and we may never know if we will live to accomplish that long list of things that we want to in our lifetime. (picture this: One fine morning I could be taking a train to work just like any other day, in another I could be killed in a train crash…and never live to fulfill my dreams.)

When I start having insights like this. It does things to me.
Suddenly, every other dilemmas or worries (probably everything that revolves around materialistic gains) which had been plaguing my head these few months doesn’t seem so significant anymore. (I am not saying that I am about to pack my bags and go live in the mountains to meditate and hopefully search for enlightenment - Im not that great yet.) I have been so caught up in the rat race and in the pursuance of material gains that I have forgotten to live! My point is, I have come to realize that it's about time for me to come to terms with some of the shortfalls in my life and learn to live within my limits.

I am going to pledge to live life to the fullest like I have never been before and embrace each day as if it’s the last. I am going to savor each meal I have as if it’s the last, take on every challenge with much gusto, give generously, receive graciously, love and care even more dearly and most of all find joy in everything I do; for life is just so short that it is useless to dwell on inconsequential matters that most of the time, we have no control of. Might as well let life takes its course and live it!

When life throws you lemon, might as well make lemonade out of it. And heck, I’m gonna make a damn good one out of it.

Come what may!

PMS! Ohhhh!

2006-10-11T14:35:00.000+08:00

PMS (Premenstrual Syndrome) can be a very dangerous thing.
Well, at least to the people around you. (You will understand from my little story below). It turns you into this moody, grouchy and irritable creature. Every little thing annoys you.

Just like what happened hours ago when my colleague (a senior) came to me and commented on an email which I have written to our vendor. It was a candid note requesting for marketing fund – straight forward and simple. And I thought there was absolutely nothing wrong with it. But, being a little bit edgy today, I snapped immediately and gave him a piece of my mind – to which I regretted immediately the moment he walked away.

While having a quiet moment with myself moments after that, I asked myself why I had to be such a bitch over such small matter. He’s probably got a point back there (well, maybe..!)

It then dawned on me that, “that time of the month” is coming soon (in Cantonese, people call it “Tai-yee-ma visit”), when you get unpredictable mood-swings for no reasons. That explains the way I reacted.

Having said that, I ain’t about to go all apologetic for that nasty behavior back there simply because, hey I’m a woman, and we’re entitled to our own little mood-swings every now and then. That's what sets us apart from the male species (heheheh evil laugh!!)

But how can we let the people around us know that we're having PMS and save them the tongue-lashing or bad-attitude?? hmmm maybe I should start wearing a tag that says “Be gentle with me, I got PMS today”. That way, they'd probably leave me alone have to be really nice to me on that day!! (chuckles ....)

And here's a little reference on how to deal with PMS. (and no, you dont need to wear that silly tag!)

currently reading

2006-10-09T15:11:00.000+08:00

The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
Good stuff!
Read the entire text here:http://www.columbia.edu/~gm84/gibtable.html

happiness is ...

2006-09-29T17:27:00.000+08:00

happiness is,
waking up on a saturday morning, not having to work; Reading the Saturday paper while sipping a steaming cup of Coffee; followed by an hour in the pool while my body soaks up the sun that it's been so deprived of ...

happiness is, sometimes just doing nothing and thinking nothing for once.

yes, simple things in life makes me happy!

but do we even stop (in whatever we're so busy going after day after day) to realize that?!?

And.. a little humour to end this little posting: life's little pleasures: peeing off a cliff!